I have two social circles. A lot of people do - They divide their home life or work life from their social life and I'm no exception. Recently, I was sitting with Matt Roney, that RFC contributor I seem to be damn near inseperable from these days given how many of my tales involve him, and I mentioned that, in my "home life", I'm "The Barney".
To understand this, of course, you have to mildly familiar with CBS's hilarious sitcom, How I Met Your Mother, which features the following archetypes:
Lily and Marshall: The inseperable couple whose quips and one-liners tend to play off each other, one of the rare couples that are as good as (if not better) together than they are apart.
Ted: The sincere optimist, the guy desperate to find "the one".
Robin: The wry, sarcastic lady friend with comittment issues.
Barney: The hilarious, perpetually single... Well, I would say "horn dog" but you see, I'm comparing Barney to me here and I wouldn't call myself... Aw, screw it, let's just go with "horn dog".
I told Matt of my "Barney-dom" when suddenly, he stopped and looked at me. "Oh, god, you really ARE the Barney!" And at first, I was going to argue my case and say I wasn't that bad... Then I remembered that not ten minutes beforehand, I had made a list of my "romantic conquests" in 2010. And suddenly, a string of quips and memories came rushing back to me: A friend asking if I was dating a certain kid and my response of "Please, I have this thing. It's called standards." The way I walk over to my friends and exchange high fives after I get a phone number. The many phone calls I've made proclaiming "I'm in your area... Just doing a 'walk of shame', no big deal ONLY IT IS." The fact that "casual Amber" doesn't exist, opting instead for minidresses even in the dead of winter. Yes, it's true, I am Barney. The Barnacle, if you will.
By the by, I hope you aren't lactose intollerant because the second half of the word in the title of the post is "dairy".
It's Gonna Be Legen - Wait For It...
Being Barney Stinson, From A Girl's Point Of View
An RFC Mix
"Sometimes I hate myself for trying to be so bold."
"It's bad news but I do the same thing, I get lonely too."
"I'm lonely and I cannot help myself."
"I don't really like you, apologetically dressed in the best."
"If the timing is right to sneak off into the night, I let myself be taken just for the thrill."
"We're at our best when it's from our hips. From the hips we don't give a shit, it just feels good and that's no sin."
"Still, there's something to be said about company in bed. This time I want it - See, I knew we'd agree. How can anyone deny the benefits of lying with your friend? We'll try it again."
"I will take you for granted, I will take advantage of you - And I won't feel bad at all because I'm a cold, hard chick."
"I'm not saying that it's right - I'm just saying that it's where I'm at tonight."
"I'm too young not to mess around."
"I promise kisses but not to love."
"Words of love, words so leisured, words are poisoned darts of pleasure."